s! the outlaw torn

30 things i have been asked about 2004:

1. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before?
travelled to lots of places in the US, delved into biomaterials for my MS thesis.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
my birthday comes immediately after New Year’s, giving me no chance to keep them!! but seriously, i don’t bother making resolutions.. when i wanna change i go ahead and change!

3. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
a completed draft of my thesis.. a patent/paper on my research.. a job after graduation too would be just fine!!

4. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
successfully juggling a totally hedonistic lifestyle, cutting-edge research work, lots of travelling, strenuous on-campus job, great grades on courses, pretty decent health and an excellent social life! *desperately looking for some wood to touch!! ahh, here’s some*

5. What was your biggest failure?
don’t think i had any big failures as such this year, but i did fail in myriad small ways – losing my temper, being moody and sulking, being too trusting of complete strangers!! not being able to secure financial aid for my second year was definitely a big one.

6. Did you suffer illness or injury?
thank God no!! i did get hit by a SUV, and was a little sore and pissed off about that though!

7. What was the best thing you bought?
definitely my Compaq Presario 2500 laptop!! though the digital camera is gonna run it close too!

8. Whose behavior merited celebration?
definitely all my friends and family who put up with me! i would wanna mention all the soldiers the world over who got sent into wars not of their own making, and stuck their heads down and got on with their duties. also, the Buffalo Bills and UB Bulls for their spirited playoff runs!

9. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
all the politicians, the world over *grrr*

10. Where did most of your money go?
see #4 above!!

11. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the Metallica concert in October!

12. What song will always remind you of 2004?
‘Yeah’ – Usher.. that goddamn song was everywhere!! Seether’s ‘Driven Under’ was very close to me.

13. Compared to this time last year, you are:
definitely more relaxed and chilled out. things are going well, yeah )

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
gone clubbing more.. travelled out of buffalo more.. a little more gymming.. eaten more buffalo wings.. basically, i wish i’d made/saved more money (

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
well, honestly.. nothing!! i try to live a regret-free life!

16. What was your favorite TV program?
M*A*S*H!! dunno how i got addicted to watching a bunch of jaded drunks in Korea ’52, mending soldiers and having a hilarious time doing it!!

17. What was the best book you read?
okay.. i am ashamed to say that i have barely read anything this year that is thicker than a glossy magazine with a hot chick draped on its cover! but i would have to go with ‘The Handbook Of Biomaterials Evaluation’ edited by Dr. A.F. von Recum (dont laugh, that IS his name!).. and its not the best book i read all year, it’s the ONLY book i read all year!

18. What was your greatest musical discovery?
definitely ambient chillout music.. especially the downtempo stuff. go to shoutcast for the most comprehensive net radio database.. type ‘ambient’ in the search bar, and just click to listen!

19. What did you want and get?
well, the laptop and dig-cam i already mentioned, and complete CD collections of Metallica, Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam & Godsmack.

20. What did you want and not get?
financial aid/research funding.. an XBox/PS 2/GameCube.. an mp3-player (not necessarily an i-Pod).. Playboy Miss August Pilar Lastra..*sigh*

21. What was your favorite film of this year?
three.. in this order: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State & The Hero.

22. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
haha! ate, drank and slept!! i had just turned 25 and got completely wasted to mark a fitting end to my first quarter century!

23. What one thing did you get told the most this year?
“my place or yours?”!! haha, i wish!! but i guess “you’re crazy!!” would be it!

24. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
i’m your regular jeans n’ tshirt guy.. i just happen to have some ten pairs of jeans, and some fifty tshirts ) (brands? Old Navy, Aeropostale & Gap!) it was really great knowing i could go for research meetings in a soccer tshirt, cargo shorts and hiking sandals!

25. What kept you sane?
the usual suspects.. Brownie gang, RSF gang, Potsmokers Inc., Budweiser/Molson/Yuengling Breweries, Camel Lights, buffalo wings & pizza from Just Pizza, homecooked food, Third Base, and walking around University Heights stoned senseless!

26. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
well, when i replace ‘fancy’ with ‘lust after’.. then Tara Reid and Pilar Lastra will have to fight it out! yeah, chick-fight!! but it was nice to see one of the ordinary guys make it big – Zach Braff, star of ‘Scrubs’ on tv and the film ‘Garden State’.

27. What political issue stirred you the most?
being in the US during election year, it would have to be the presidential elections!

28. Who did you miss?
honestly speaking, no one in particular. i am very close to my parents, but i don’t really miss them as such.. and we do speak like once a month.. which works just fine for all! as for my friends, we know we will meet up again.. still lots of alcohol to be drunk and plantations to be smoked!!

29. Who was the best new person you met?
definitely definitely my advisor Dr. Robert E. Baier! i have never met a smarter, more intelligent, genial person! he absolutely rocks, having been a frat boy of some repute in his time too!!

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
hmm.. more than learned, 2004 just reaffirmed what i have always believed: “live life well”, and “no one is more important to you than yourself”.

these are my ‘Highlights Of The Year 2004′.. i tried to keep them down to three-a-month!

(NB: i avoided the low points, i’d rather not think about them!)

January -

- florida for the first time

- Linkin Park, POD in concert

- changing my research focus to biomaterials



February -

- Godsmack in concert

- 36 hour drinking binge in columbus

- playing football in the snow

March -

- i got a digital camera

- going to NYC the first time

- winter hiking in the Adirondacks

April -

- successfully finishing another semester

- the summer party binge starts

- cracking my first interview for an internship

May -

- florida again! yes!!

- barbecuing on the balcony at 55T

- first poster presentation at a conference

June -

- Nickelback, 3 Doors Down & Puddle of Mudd in concert

- i got my laptop

- started blogging!

July -

- Thursdays At The Square concert series

- Linkin Park, Korn in concert

- Seether, Evanescence, Three Days Grace in concert

August –

- moving in with my best buddies

- the alcohol-fuelled RSF reunion in Buffalo

- road trip to Baltimore, Washington and Blacksburg

September -

- getting stoned at 33H

- getting stoned at 87M

- getting stoned. period

October -

- Metallica, Godsmack in concert

- breakthrough in my research

- cricket in the backyard

November -

- gourmet cooking, while stoned!

- working on our ‘inventions’

- Aussie Pink Floyd in concert

December -

- the new girl in my life

- finishing the last courses for my MS – yay!

- latest breakthrough in my research

yup, it’s been a very full and fun year!! Happy New Year everyone!!

if you have been a regular reader of this blog.. you will notice that i steadfastly avoid talking much about current affairs and other news items. people have been asking me how come i didn’t mention the recent tsunami disaster in the blog. well, honestly, this is the last place people will come to read about it! my prayers and best wishes go out to all affected, and i will donate some money to the disaster relief fund.. but there is little else i can do about it here, except buck up and go on with life.

talking about life.. i cannot help but be starkly reminded of the frailty of life. and especially in the case of a tsunami, early warning is probably your only chance if you live in the coastal and low-lying areas. of course, very few of the Third-World countries have such systems in place.. so most of the dead and affected had no idea what was about to hit them. nearly five years into the third millenium, and still half the world goes to sleep wondering if they’ll be alive the next morning! yeesh, that’s why i hate writing about issues like this.. it’s tough to write two lines without being outraged!!

DC++ must be the best P2P ever created!! where else would i get downloads at 3 Mbps?! yes, rub your eyes and sit up straight!! 3 Mbps!! that’s movies in under 5 minutes!! all of you on college LANs.. find out what your local hub address is, and tap into this!!

winter can be depressing most of the times, but a spell out in the bracing wind steels the resolve and girds the loins, or so to speak!(it does get pretty chilly down there!!) i finally made it to the lab today after a six-day weekend, and it felt good to be away, and felt equally good to be back too.. i love my work! for more geek-speak look for my other blog )

buffalo is catching playoffs fever! the city really loves the Buffalo Bills, and is never afraid to show it.. and with the Red Sox finally winning the World Series, we carry the tag of ‘Most-Jinxed Team in American Sport’.. but make no mistake.. we love our team! and if we do make the playoffs, then it will be very hard to stop the juggernaut reaching jacksonville for the SuperBowl!! Go Bills, BILLIEVE!! )

rest and relaxation.. that’s what this weekend was for. all i did this weekend was eat, drink and sleep. from friday until monday. excellent. at this rate i won’t be going to the lab at all before i leave for india!!

no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills!! the playoffs charge rolls on.. hapless San Francisco being the latest victims.. 41-7!! beware, here come the Bills!!

thank you everyone for your good wishes for the holiday season, and here’s wishing you all a very Happy Holidays too )

do you see people on television or in the streets.. standing with banners, shouting slogans? did you ever wonder what the cause that they were championing was? did that make you feel like you should also have something to support? well, here is your chance! protest against the mistreatment of beer!! stand up and be heard, without actually standing up and being heard!! join us at Beer Drinkers Against The Mistreatment Of Beer!! even non-beer drinkers can join in!! though i must say i am mystified why anyone would not drink beer.. hmm!

this is winter as i like it..

i’m loving this winter so far.. my research is going great, i got a big payrise at work, things are stable on the personal front, i go on a month’s sabbatical soon.. what else could a man want?

so often i wake up and find myself playing and replaying scenes in my life.. oft-repeated scenes that keep popping up like damned internet explorer ads.. and they are usually as irritating as well.. cos they are scenes disintegrating, falling apart, crumbling away in my mind.. only to be replaced by newer, similar scenes, and the faces are different, the walls look different, the light outside shines with a different intensity, a different hue.. it’s a different time..

maybe i am a different person too.. maybe i am not the ENTP outgoing character i am.. maybe i am that too.. ohh! it’s a different shadow, but the same me. my shadow-brother, my alter-ego. i want to name him. and only one name comes to mind, immediately, naturally.. Calvin. the other me is a calvin. so who is calvin then? angst is calvin. calvin is dark. my hero is calvin. calvin fuels me.

take a moment off from whatever you are doing. you might be at work, or at home, or at school.. but be with me on this one. sit back and relax. i quote:

“We’re gonna need your help, and your permission,

and so we need you to find a comfortable space,

that is not only comfortable, but vulnerable.

I want you to shut your eyes and go there,

and we’ll meet you on the other side..”

now think about yourself. think about only yourself. now think about what you are, where you came from and where you wanna go. think about that. take a minute or two, and think about that.

here we are again. now i want you to think about the person that is really inside of you.. that pushes and prods you, drives you on, urges you forward. the person inside you who you hate so much yet you love to be. think about what that person makes you do. think about that person. that is the other you. talk to him, or her.. as the case might be. stay in touch with that person.. that is your life.

————————————————————————–

finally watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, and it was worth every moment of the wait.. i have never felt such a sense of oneness, after watching a film. it really sets you thinking. its a movie that when its over.. you have two kinds of audience.. firstly – those who it just bounced off.. they’re the ones looking around picking their coats and looking for their keys and cell phones.. and then there’s the other kind.. who totally understood the movie.. and are wrestling with their grey cells wondering what it all meant.. they’re the ones who are still sitting there, not minding the people stepping on their toes in their vain bids to beat the rush out.. they stare blankly, interrupted.. watching the credits roll up.. and the names are just long white strings against a dark background.. those are the people the director has communicated with.

i give you a quote to think about.. bonus points if anyone can guess the origin:

“what is love, but a wound.. that neither lets you live, nor die.“